Skip/hold on the next generation of Droid

Note: I’ve updated this post to incorporate news from the Droid X event on 6/23/10.

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Every once in awhile there’s a lull in the tech world where nothing is making me grind my teeth or shoot steam out of my ears Popeye style. During these extraordinarily brief periods, I kill time by offering up some advice to my tech brethren. While it’s not nearly as fun as berating companies, it keeps me writing and interacting with you all. So with that in mind, I’ve had some thoughts about the next generation of Android devices coming out.

Two new Android phones from Motorola will be released in the next month or two. They are the Droid Xtreme and the imaginatively named Droid 2. The Droid X was announced yesterday and will be available on July 15th. The Droid 2 remains unofficial and rumored for an end of July release.

Here’s info on the Droid X and some early impressions of the Droid 2)

I find myself, along with the rest of the internet, SALIVATING over the specs of the Droid Xtreme. I mean just look at that thing. I’d probably crawl through a tunnel of broken glass just to get my hands on it. There’s a problem though. If you bought the first Droid at launch on a two-year contract (like I did), your upgrade eligibility is not going to look pretty. Here are the options…

1) Go broke buying the DX at full retail. ($550 or so)
2) Be a loser with your 7 month old phone.

While spending the cash is the OBVIOUS move, I’ve decided to hold off from doing so. If you’re mid-contract, I suggest you do the same.

Here’s why…

My first bone of contention is that both devices lack a front facing camera. Now I know this isn’t the most important feature in the world, but I prefer to be at the same level of the other bleeding edge phones de jour. Besides, app developers are going to go crazy with a front cam, and I want in on the fun. Having one should also extend the lifespan a little, because you won’t be jonesing for the new phone that DOES have one a month later.

The second issue is they’re both rocking Android 2.1 out of the box (now confirmed for the DX, still speculated for the D2). Froyo 2.2 had some massive behind the scene optimizations put into it, but since it was just released, it’s going to be awhile until it gets to handsets. We don’t know about the Droid 2, but we DO know that the X is rocking a new version of motoblur. I was initially concerned that this might add additional delay to a 2.2 update, but Moto assured consumers that won’t be a problem. That’s nice and all, but we STILL get a vague “later summer” answer for when we can expect the 2.2 update. I experienced the Droid’s 2.0 to 2.1 debacle firsthand, so forgive me if I don’t hold my breath. The point? It may be some time until Froyo is added to either device. Even better (or worse), is that the next version of Android, Gingerbread, is getting a massive interface update. That version is scheduled to be available at the end of the year.

And finally…

I think these devices are about to get leapfrogged fairly quickly (i.e. Nexus one released 2 months after the Droid style). I’ve been doing some sleuthing around, and the word is there’s another Moto phone on the horizon called the Droid Pro (I’ve also seen it referred to as the the Droid WE (World Edition)). The word is that this will be the baddest device of the bunch. Moto is basically throwing the kitchen sink at this thing, 2Ghz processor (crazy but possible), gyroscope, front cam, the works. The information is weak at the moment, but the same trusted Moto guys that leaked info on the X and D2 are saying this thing is the real deal. It will supposedly be available around the end of the year, just in time for us Droid 1 owners to get the discount.

As always, it’s up to you

If you’re eligible for an upgrade and these devices make you feel warm and fuzzy, go for it. If you’re a gen 1 Droid owner like me, I’m not sure they’re worth breaking the bank for, especially when “the next level” might be following up right behind. A few months of patience will save you money NOW, and put a far better device in your hand only a few months later.

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Funeral for RIM

I’ve been drafting this post for a long time, but have held off on hitting that “publish” button. At first I was unable to explain the delay, but after some reflection, it’s obvious a little part of me is still a crackberry addict. “There’s no love like your first love” rings equally true with your first smartphone. Since you’re reading this, however, you’ve cleverly deduced that eventually, I DID hit the button. (Or you wanted to pimp out your refrigerator and mistyped “tech-rator.com” in which case you can stop reading now)

Anyway, I’ve got a simple explanation behind my decision….

It’s time for me to shut up and move on. RIM’s actions this past year have forced me to sound like the most annoying broken record ever conceived. Grab an old vinyl copy of “Take me out to the ball game”, scour it vigorously with steel wool, and play it at 78 RPM for 419 days straight. That’s what they’ve turned me into!

I’ve decided to overcome my denial, click publish, and let go…

They’re dead? What are you smoking?

Let’s get the elephant out of the room first. Yes, RIM currently enjoys 35% market share and is valued at 32 billion, counterpoints that might be important were I literally proclaiming their death. No, instead I’m invoking a far grimmer demise, one of “geek death”. This is where millions of device lovers begin a slow exodus to shinier gadget pastures, leaving a once innovative company to plummet into obsolescence. Got that? They’re as good as dead in the world of the next “cutting edge shiny thing”.

Let’s start off on a positive note

First, some faint praise that will establish a more dramatic contrast with the 97% of this post that won’t be faint praise. Research in Motion has a fantastic history and should take enormous pride in their accomplishments. The Blackberry has become a cultural touchstone, led at the forefront of mobile tech for generations, and even developed it’s own lexicon (crackberry, crackberry thumb, etc). Take a bow fellas, it might be your last!

The beginning of the end

Everyone has their theory, and mine is that death blow numero uno can be attributed to the first iPhone. While it consisted of existing components, (yes, the Nokia 5500 used an accelerometer a year earlier) the iPhone had a technological “bigger than sum of all parts” thing going for it. Needless to say the device instantly added serious competition to the mobile battleground.

As an avid Blackberry user at the time, I was confident that RIM was capable of quickly adapting to their new competitor. RIM was in the game so long, couldn’t they simply go in the lab and fetch some bad ass prototype they’ve been toying around with? Helping the situation was that the iPhone for all its strengths, lacked multitasking, cut & paste, a camera flash, 3.5 headphone jack, removable battery, and push notifications, all features my existing Blackberry had.

So the message to improve was out there, but it was uttered in a smooth Jamaican-esque “No worries, be the best mon you can be, mon” instead of a deep-space radio-garbled “My god what is THAT????” *signal lost*

I’m so tired of being wrong

The three readers (four, if I count as a proofreader) of this fine blog know all too well about what transpired next. In the past year I’ve conveyed my concern to RIM, pleaded with them, and even WARNED THEM of the competition lurking on the horizon. Whether unable to handle the truth, or completely unaware of my existence, they chose to ignore my advice and that of similar blogs. I’d say the consequences of doing so are now bearing fruit.

After the debut of the iPhone, and the critical failure of the Storm, RIM seemed content to sit around with their head in the clouds, ambivalent (instead of terrified) to be in a showdown with Apple. They had a window of opportunity to get their act together, but I believe it has now SLAMMED shut.

A second leader emerges

Death blow numero dos (and the inspiration for this post) was delivered a few weeks ago at the Google I/O developer conference. This is the annual get together for all things Google, and a slew of announcements were made. Most impressive were those related to Android, specifically the next iteration that will soon be released. The new features of “Froyo” (Frozen Yogurt is the codename for some bizarre reason) were so impressive, many felt Android even leapfrogged Apple’s iOS in awesomeness. Android phones will be soon be rocking flash, becoming portable hot spots, have insane cloud connectivity, and will even be able to drive your kids to school! (That last item is unconfirmed)

As I was reading all this news, I remember mumbling to myself that Blackberry “is completely screwed”. Apple and Google are in a full war, and the pace of innovation is breakneck. It seems more likely that RIM will first slide into territory Palm previously occupied (3rd place), and then continue into territory they currently occupy (no place).

How could this have happened?

RIM is well known as being a traditionally conservative company. Generally thats a good thing, unless it’s the hyper competitive world of technology. Obviously RIM has some bright people and a great product, because they gloriously rode the top of the tech world for over a decade. But….

New decade, new players, new ballgame….

Their current problem is failing to adapt to the emerging realities of the mobile world. Instead of making bold decisions and being aggressive with technology, RIM has plodded along with a glacially slow incremental update cycle.

I’m probably as sick about writing the same crap over and over as you are reading it, so in the name of efficiency here’s some earnest advice I gave them, and here’s some more.

In a nutshell, RIM is behind the times philosophically and technologically. Their OS, the heart and soul of the device, lacks a cohesive interface, connectivity (internet especially), and scalability. Their hardware is an even uglier situation. While Apple, Android (HTC, Motorola) and others are now incorporating front facing cameras, digital compasses and gyroscopes, RIM twiddles their thumbs and offers one uninspired feature set after another.

Is RIM unwilling or incapable of keeping pace with this innovation?

And here’s the spittle flecked crux

The problem is that cellphones have evolved into a complete mobile experience. Phones are no longer phones, they’re handheld laptops. The former requires a fraction of the resources and creativity of the latter. Slap a keypad on a block of plastic, add a screen and an antenna, and voila! But these newfangled super phones? You need to start off with a nice obsidian colored slab packed to the gills with accelerometers, compasses, gyroscopes, cameras, plugs, jacks, buttons, radios for Wi-fi, aGPS, bluetooth, AND THEN slap on the BIGGEST, BRIGHTEST fucking screen ever made. If that glorious collection of circuitry isn’t prepared for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you throw at it, you go back to the drawing board and WILL it into existence. I’m talking about a piece of tech with so many electronics crammed in it, the radiation alone will mutate a punk 100 lb eighth grader into a 10 foot tall Norse God after a five minute phone call!

THEN……(deep breath)

you design an OS with the foresight that new innovations come, so YOU better make them easy to integrate ahead of time. It needs to be a robust multitasking MONSTER that stingily sips battery, yet eats apps FOR BREAKFAST. An elegant architecture is a MUST, and easy accessibility for the programming community follows closely behind. If you’re thinking “an approachable vegan bodybuilding ballerina with unlimited dancing potential”, come and collect your prize!

THEN……(deeper breath)

you need to create and support an ecosystem for your product. Break out the Cat o’ nine tails and get those app developers to pump every OUNCE of utility out of the device. Once the ball starts rolling, they’ll be coming up with ideas that would put the most fevered visions of a black plague dying Renaissance artist to shame! I’m talking the phone drives the car via bluetooth and orders crumpets from the upcoming rest stop type of shit.

And don’t give me any “many of those items are mutually exclusive” crap either. Are you telling me the iPhone 4G, Evo, and next gen Droids aren’t getting closer to the description above? (Hopefully minus the radiation)

RIM “did” great smartphones, but they “do” horrible handheld laptops. A few years ago when things we’re simpler RIM could compete until the cows came home. But now? In this new landscape? I wouldn’t trust a RIM engineer to tie my shoe, let alone expect them to make a major change in the way they do things. And don’t think anything is going to happen, because how can one change when one’s very problem is an inability to change?

What’s their future?

The fate of BB can go a few ways, but I’ll bet 90% of it will be following in the foot steps of Palm. (For those unaware, Palm once strode upon the top of the mobile world, then sat on their laurels and let it pass them by)
Rim may take a slightly different fork at the end of the road, but it’ll be inconsequential for our purposes here.

On their present course, I envision the following…

Now to two years out

Apple and Google will take off in the mobile race, creating an ever widening disparity between their platforms and RIM’s. As it begins the descent from “Smart” phone to “not as smart phone”, the Blackberry will probably reign supreme on the second tier for awhile, competing with “cutting edge” companies like LG and Garmond. The days of being featured in a Time Magazine “hot new gadgets” article or a Good Morning America tech segment will come to an end. Then, in the next iteration of Android or iOS, their corporate grip will reach a tipping point of erosion.

Two to Five years out

Apple set the grinding wheels of inevitable doom in motion, but I’ll put my money on Google being the assassin. That’s because Google will unveil some free corporate equivalent to the Blackberry Enterprise Server. (Let’s hope they re-brand it, because white shoe lawyers and little green robots sounds like an odd mix). With RIM’s BES licenses now having a value between “losing lottery ticket” and “single square of toilet paper”, it’s only a matter of time until someone (Microsoft) picks them up for scraps (Patent portfolio).

A fond farewell to an old friend

I’d like to thank RIM and it’s “instant” email for efficiently delivering the rambling poems of roommates past. Your awesome messenger services alerted me via text that I was single again, and your web browser helped me kill time in such exotic locations as Cleveland INT’L airport and the local Dunkin’ Donuts. Your contributions to my life won’t be forgotten anytime soon.

Perhaps in a few decades we’ll briefly meet again via an “I love the 00’s show”!

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Technopocalypse Redux

Now where were we?

When we last left off, Google and Apple were mixing it up like Frazier and Ali. I’ve been monitoring the situation, and I think we have enough material for an update on the continuing saga. I’d also like to welcome Apple’s new punching bag, Adobe, to the party. Hang in there guys, it’ll all be over soon!

Apple vs. Google is quickly approaching Hatfield vs. McCoy epicness

The last Technopocalypse ended with the acquisition of mobile ad companies apparently becoming the new black. The battle in the ad space has since continued, but after building the foundations, the focus has shifted to entrenchment. Google’s latest coup was receiving a patent on location based advertising. It’s one of those vague “method of utilizing location to integrate into an advertisement” ones that scares everyone away from attempting something similar. At least Four Square enjoyed their 7 months in the sun!

Apple unveiled their play, launching iAd, a framework that allows developers to place ads directly into their applications. It’s a wonderful closed ecosystem that gives Apple the iron grip they’ve come to know and love. In fact, the grip is so tight, iAd is being considered for an antitrust investigation! This alone will provide enough fodder for my next ten posts.

Google raids Apple’s fridge

The iPhone has long been criticized for the way it allows the user to manage their email accounts. An app called reMail (created by a former Gmail engineer) sought to address a number of shortcomings in the native email version. It would have too, except google swooped in and acquired it lock, stock, and barrel. Surprisingly (not), it was removed from Apple’s store, and the developer was folded right back into the loving arms of mother Google. Looks like all that sweet sweet functionality will get rolled into something else! I must admit I love these types of moves for some reason. Google was basically like, “OH HELL NO, the iPhone email experience SHALL NOT PASS! Buy that shit and shut it down!!!”

Back on the ranch…..

While all the ad and app related shenanigans were taking place, Apple was devising a maneuver that would make even Machiavelli giggle like a schoolgirl. Before we continue however, allow me a sentence or three of context. Many pundits believe that Google’s Android software poses the biggest threat to the iPhone’s hegemony. After all, Android has functionally equivalent features, a glossy interface, and its own version of an app store that just passed the 50,000 mark. Oh, it’s also TOTALLY FREE, which means hardware manufacturers don’t have to waste money on silly things like TEAMS of software engineers. As you might imagine, Apple doesn’t like the competition and threat that Android presents. So, what do they do? Why sue HTC for twenty patent infringements of course. TWENTY! (Cue up the Ed McMahon HI-YO!)

Wait…….what?

What the hell does Taiwanese smartphone maker HTC (High Tech Computer) have to do with anything?

1) HTC was the first manufacturer for Android, and to this day remains Google’s closest hardware partner.

2) Would you really want to take Google’s legal team head on?

Oh yeah, and most importantly…

3) HTC has the WEAKEST (and I mean WEAK) patent portfolio on the planet. In fact, the following conversation recently took place….

Microsoft: We think you’re violating some of our pate…..
HTC: HERE’S MONEY!!!!!

So to recap, Apple can end run Google legal, attack Android via the HTC Achilles’ heel, and send a Hulk Hogan-esque “YOU’RE NEXT BRUTHA!!” message to other android partners such as Samsung, Motorola, Dell, and Acer.

Who knows if it’ll work, but you must admit it’s a pretty creative legal maneuver. At the very least it allows me to include a wrestling icon, the physical weakness of a Greek hero, and “Motorola” in a single sentence! The only items I can think of that are more disparate might be “stapler”, “airport”, and “groundhog”.

The final frontier?

So the battle wages along the advertising front, the application front, the patent front (via proxy), soon on the tablet front (more here), and what’s this? The processor front? Wow, this is the fight that keeps on giving!

A few years ago apple snatched up a chip company called Palo Alto Semiconductor. With this acquisition, Apple could now design chips in-house, which results in better products from tighter software/hardware integration. A few of the big boys at the company, upset about the price of stock offered to them (for reals) ditched Apple and founded a start-up called Agnilux. No one really seems to know exactly what they do, but here’s what’s important.

1) The personnel consists of some of the brightest PA Semi engineers
2) Google just acquired them.

This is one of those moves that everyone is making a big deal about, so I too will help fan the flames of hysteria.

*clears throat*

OH SNAP, THIS IS GONNA BE EPOCH SHATTERING, and so forth…

(The rumor is that they’re going to design the chip for Google’s answer to the iPad)

Pffft, why buy the milk when you can own the cow?

Apple’s quest for hardware domination/independence apparently isn’t finished either. Recent rumors have them possibly acquiring ARM holdings, a move that would have SERIOUS ramifications in the tech world. Ok…um….Why? ARM (Advanced Risc Machines) is a company that designs CPUs and then licenses out their handiwork to other companies for manufacture. Think of it like BMW decides one day, “screw it, we’re just going to design cars on a computer, and then you can buy the blueprints and build it your damn self”. That’s what ARM does, except they design “the brains ” for the majority of mobile handsets and devices on the planet. (Yeah I know Qualcomm exists, but I assure you good sir, ARM they are NOT)

Anyway, if Apple snaps them up, things are going to get VERY interesting, VERY fast.

The good news is Google probably has their next step planned, because they just invested in a company that claims it can PREDICT THE FUTURE (How awesome is that?)

Below Hatfield vs. McCoy, but above Tastes great/Less filling

I mentioned in the preamble that we have a new player getting in the mix, and this one has developed into quite the doozy. Our second feature match pits longtime best buds/frenemies Apple and Adobe against each other. You know the deal, companies are best friends (Apple once owned 20% of Adobe, Adobe’s biggest customer was Apple, etc) and then their “shared vision” begins to diverge due to self interest. In a nutshell, during the mid nineties (aka when Jobs wasn’t around) Apple was faltering, and Adobe wisely jumped on the Windows bandwagon. Apple eventually got it together, and despite some minor headbutting, reestablished their solid relationship with Adobe.

And then it all went to hell…

The mobile web was still in its infancy, but with the iPhone on the horizon, it was about to experience a serious growth spurt. Adobe, like any corporate entity, wanted their crown jewel, Flash, to be a fixture of this new mobile landscape. Unfortunately for them, as far as Apple was concerned, this wasn’t going to happen. Citing a number of technical and pragmatic reasons, Apple kicked off the new fight by omitting Flash from the iPhone’s web browser. Some people, claiming Flash is a battery draining, processor hogging scourge, were thrilled with the decision and went out for celebratory drinks. Others, countering that it crippled the web experience of their awesome new device, stayed home and drank to forget.

Flash forward

For 2010, we can simply repeat the entire debacle by replacing “phone” with “pad”. The stakes are rising though, as it’s becoming apparent that device by device, Apple is attempting to phase out Flash from existence. The latest snub brought renewed attention to the debate, forcing people to pick sides, and setting off some awesome sniping between the two companies. A few weeks ago, the situation reached an especially fevered pitch when Mr. Jobs personally trashed Flash. The tirade included such gems as Flash was for the “PC era of desktops, rollovers and mice, not touchscreens and multitouch”. Ouch, man, ouch. Rubbing some additional salt in the wounds, Jobs also claimed that Flash was the #1 cause of Apple computers crashing.

Adobe’s CEO calmly responded, saying that if your computers are crashing, it’s YOUR operating system and not OUR software that should be addressed.

Time to turn this fight up to ELEVEN!

I’m going to do my best to explain the significance of Apple’s next move, because it has the potential to either a) alter the tech landscape in their favor significantly or b) backfire and bring the antitrust hammer down on them “hoisted on your own petard” style.

The biggest challenges an application developer faces are the sheer number of devices and the different types of code that bring them to life. If I want to create an application for say, an iPhone, it has to be built a certain way. As you can guess, the same goes for Android, Blackberry, Windows, Mac OSX, Ford cars, giant electronic billboards, and Japanese calculators. That’s to say that EACH device has it’s own (and often unique) way of interpreting the various programming languages. Because of this, it’s extremely time consuming to develop for everyone, so people tend to gyrate towards the biggest fish, because that’s where the money is. Many consider this bad, because it makes it tougher for the little guy to gain traction against the big boys.

Some clever people figured out awhile ago that a better approach might be to “write once, run anywhere”. This is generally referred to as cross-platform compilation. So I create my awesome Techranter application (an app that provides a real-time ETA of when a friend is getting to my apt) and from that one version, I instantly create multiple versions for iPhone, Android, Blackberry, Japanese calculators, etc.

There are some problems of course, but that’s the idea in spirit, and it happens to be a pretty good way to do business. Developers get their apps (and get paid for it) on as many devices as possible, and consumers get to enjoy these innovative apps no matter what type of phone or device they’re toting around.

In fact, Adobe added this functionality to the latest version of their creative suite. I create something ONCE in Flash (let’s say a game) and here are my options….
(the gist)
1) Save as a web based version. Upload the file and people around the world can play my game online
2) Save as a standalone desktop version. Now I can play the game without an internet connection
3) Save for mobile. Now people can rock my game on their phones.

Traditionally, these would have been created separately, and in different programming languages. Instead of maintaining THREE “codebases”, a developer now must only be concerned with ONE. We’ve come a long way baby!

Debbie Downer enters, stage left

Well it was nice while it lasted because Apple just crushed that dream. For reasons that aren’t clear, (aside of a giant “screw you” to Adobe) they recently revised their agreement with iPhone/iPad app developers. From now on, devs will have a choice of three languages in which to build apps, and using an intermediary program (cross-platform compilation) is strictly verboten. This move serves to further lock down Apple’s walled garden and really seems to do more harm, especially to aspiring developers, than good. As mentioned earlier, the move has infuriated Adobe (and others) so much, they went to the man to complain. Not only did the man agree, the FTC and DOJ are “negotiating” over who’s going to smack Apple down first!

In conclusion, not a good move for developers, the general tech user, or seemingly, Apple. It is however a GREAT move for individuals who compose tech columns titled Technopocalypse, so there’s that.

And now we’re up to speed for now…

A lot of new developments kept popping up as I composed this post. HTC counter sued Apple, Nokia sued Apple, Google announced they’re dropping an iPad competitor, Blackberry is working on a tablet, and I almost forgot, HP bought Palm. Luckily, these stories have some time to mature and surprise us further. Since this went into overtime about 400 words back, we’ll cover them in a future “Technopocalypse, the Thirdening” post.

We’ll leave off exactly where we did last time (and I suspect every time), with these faceless billion dollar entities fighting for our love (wallets). It feels so good to be loved!

Until next time…

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Tabletberry? What are you, insane?

Crackberry.com is relaying a rumor that RIM has ordered a shitload of 8.9 inch touchscreens. Naturally, Twitter (myself included) starts firing up the Speculate-O-Tron 4000, and a virtual echo chamber is born. This dropped two hours ago and I’ve already seen enough “ZOMG RIM TO DROP TABLE NXT WEak!” tweets for 10 lifetimes.

After a nanosecond of consideration, I’ve decided this rumor HAS to be pure unadulterated BS. Tablets are based on USER INTERFACES, which is the LAST thing I’d expect RIM to competently execute. Sorry dudes, I love your hardware and services, but your antiquated interface design makes even the baby Jesus cry. Realistically, the result would make the Palm Foleo look like those little touch dealies Geordi rocks in engineering. Please RIM, don’t bother.

The second integral component of a tablet, is a software ecosystem. Have you taken a look at the Blackberry App world? Now go look at Apple’s and Android’s implementation. Do I need to even keep typing?

Let’s cut to the chase. If RIM distracts itself by developing a mediocre tablet, if will be the death knell for their phones. At this point, every resource they have should be focused on that effort. I think failing on one device type is sufficient for now, let’s not complicate things by adding another.

I’m sure there’s more news to come…..

UPDATE:

Boygenius is has just posted up some more information. It looks like this thing is the real deal, so let me join the masses dropping to their knees and screaming WHY????

The worst part? It’s being designed as a “companion” device, i.e. it will be your phone’s big goofy brother. I’m so depressed about this move that I’m going to stop typing now.

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Need help?

Seeking a quality control “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?” person? Need to fill out your Chief Devil’s Advocate position? Made some technological blunders and need a new perspective? Where do I apply?

Oh, what qualifications do I have? None really, but at this juncture that’s not important. It’s not my qualifications we should be questioning anyway. I do understand how “the dance” works though, so I’ve gotten my resume all polished and ready for the world. I’ve even given it the fun title…..

“Things I WOULDN’T have screwed up”

Palm Pre as a Sprint exclusive.

The company, after years of ineptitude, was on the ropes. The only remaining option to stay in business was a bold reboot of their product line. Palm went for the gusto and prepared to rebuild their ANCIENT phone software from the ground up. (It’s rumored it was coded under Methuselah’s direct supervision) The dust settled, and the result was their new flagship phone, the Pre. It was a well crafted combination of kick-ass software and hardware. The reception was overwhelming, and it was widely believed the company had turned its fortunes around. Then, perched atop the world, Palm made the BAFFLING decision to make the Pre EXCLUSIVE to Sprint, the Oldsmobile of wireless providers. Let me get this straight, you thought people would switch TO Sprint for your device? The phone eventually arrived on other major networks, but it was A YEAR LATER, and comparable devices were already entrenched.

The G1, Google’s first phone

iPhone mania was sweeping the globe, but out for over a year, the device was getting long in the, er… antenna. The Android G1 was looming on the horizon, and was generating SERIOUS buzz. It appeared situated as the first phone that had a chance of toppling the Cupertino Monster. Had I been under Googles employ, I would have shared my secret for creating the “(insert name here) killer” phone.

But I wasn’t there, probably because eating Dinty Moore out of the can during the interview was verboten. (Let history be aware that I brought an extra fork) Needless to say, the result of my absence wasn’t pretty.

The G1 (out of the gate) FAILED to match several features the iPhone ALREADY HAD. Some genius thought they could compete with the most media-centric phone ever made by….

1) Leaving off a standard sized plug for headphones (a mistake the 1st gen iPhone made)
2) OMITTING A VIDEO PLAYER
3) Providing no default method to easily sync audio/video files

Too busy creating their own shortcomings, they didn’t get near addressing those of their competition. Remember how people were bitching about the lack of video recording on the iPhone? Well, the G1, released SIXTEEN MONTHS LATER, ALSO lacked that functionality. At that point, any new features, such as the slick compass mode street view, just weren’t enough to overcome the G1’s deficiencies.

Yoda was so disappointed with you over that.

The Blackberry Storm

One day, technopologists will look back and examine the bizarre decisions involved in creating this device.

First, there was NO WI-FI. I really can’t emphasize how much of a screw up that decision was. It’s THE MOST standard feature of any device purporting to be a smart phone, and its absence provided the worst “comparison chart” fodder imaginable. I don’t care if it was RIM’s call or Verizon’s call, it was an absolutely stupid decision. I’m sorry to say, but the moment the spec sheet was released, the device was toast.

Another irritating design choice was the omission of flick scrolling. Without it, I nearly wore a groove in the screen swiping (or I should say swipe, swipe, swipe, swiping) through an article or email. Even worse was scrolling through the eternal Blackberry user agreement after installing a new application. After downloading a few apps, the callous on my finger rivaled that of a death metal bass player.

These features WERE included in the second iteration of the phone, but it was already a day late and a dollar short.

The Nexus One

I’ll avoid the whole “getting into the hardware being a bad idea in the first place” angle. What I won’t avoid is how the launch completely botched the concept and novelty behind the phone. The idea was that people were annoyed with top tier phones such as the iPhone, Moto Droid, and Palm Pre being exclusive to a single network. Google recognized this and attempted a different approach. Essentially, build an awesome phone and make it available on ALL networks! So far so good. What Google neglected was the second critical component, the AT ONCE part. What followed was a piecemeal release schedule (over months) that makes it no different than a Blackberry Curve, which also is now also available ON ALL NETWORKS.

If you’re going to be a bear, be a grizzly. Read up on RIM’s “World Phone” party trick and create ONE piece of hardware that works on ANY network.

Google Buzz

Let me grab my megaphone for a moment. ATTENTION SOFTWARE COMPANIES. What ever CRAZY idea you come up with, ALWAYS MAKE IT OPT IN!

No one mentioned that automatically adding everyone I’ve EVER emailed to my social circle was, INSANE? You REALLY thought I wanted “noreply-2343453@craiglist.org” with whom I inquired about shelving in 2006 as a social contact? Words can’t describe my astonishment at this decision.

As soon as I heard about Buzz, I was all “YO BRAH, Google just FLIPPED everything up with a crazy facebook/twitter hybrid!!!”. Five minutes later, after reading about the giant security holes, I told everyone to avoid it like the plague. From what I know, millions of others did the same thing. Significant privacy changes have been made since Buzz launched, but so what? Locking the barn door after the horse bolted is a reactive and pointless approach.

Talk about fail with a capital G.

Windows Mobile 7

Microsoft announced their new phone OS to the world at the Barcelona Mobile Conference and had us SALIVATING. Their stodgy old operating system was DESTROYED and replaced with an interface that takes design cues from a Ralph Lauren Polo catalog. It’s new, it’s different, and it’s slick. (The Polo catalog look on a phone, not the catalog itself)

*sigh* Are you seeing a pattern yet? Two minor oversights have dampened enthusiasm for the upcoming software. Apparently, usability things like “multitasking” and “cut & paste” were left on the cutting room floor.

I’m trying, and failing, to understand the logic. The engineering team sat around brainstorming, coming up with crazy ideas for a phone to be released in 2011 (you know, that flying car future we’ve all been dreaming about). I assume they went down the spec lists of the competition, noting what they’re doing well, what they’re not, etc. They took all this research, incorporated it into their ideas, and settled on the feature set for windows 7 mobile. Sounds like a good way to do business, except one thing seriously perplexes me. My whole rant hinges on the premise that Microsoft is gunning for the king phone slot currently occupied by Apple. So, why wouldn’t they address multitasking, the MOST GLARING FLAW OF THE IPHONE SINCE ITS INCEPTION? It’s not like consumers and tech pundits have been bitching about it for THREE YEARS.

NOTE: Technically, W7M features multitasking because apps can run in the background. That’s to say that programs will open to the same state in which they were closed. The problem however is if the device needs more memory, the OS will arbitrarily wipe out a running process. What the hell type of engineering is that? Microsoft even employs the same excuse Apple does, blaming their half-ass implementation as a bid to conserve battery life

Nothing is worse than compounding one stupid decision with another, and that’s precisely what Microsoft has done. Since they incorporated the chief complaint of iPhone users into their OS, why not go for the gold and incorporate the second? Yep that’s right, cut & paste, a basic function of modern computing (since added to the iPhone) was omitted. According to the horse’s mouth, people don’t use that feature. Yeah, who would do something crazy like copy an address from their email and paste it into the map application?

Well, a metric ton of outrage followed, and a week later we get this gem.

*cough*

We were going to add it all along, we swear!

Yeah, right.

Un Mas Cosa

I wanted to double back and make one more appeal to RIM, because the writing is on the wall.

Blackberry and their OS dilemma

It’s been 4 months since I gave RIM some heart to heart advice. Looks like I’m going to append it a bit.

Let’s just be blunt. Right now, RIM should take the servers that store their master OS code, set them on FIRE, and launch the ashes into the sun. I actually FEEL PITY for a company with a market cap of 42 billion. How is that even possible? I guess I hate to watch a great product/company fall from grace because of factors within their control. (See Palm) RIM makes some of the most advanced devices IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND, but a few more years on their present course, and they’ll be competing with Sanyo for the $49 soccer-mom smart phone market. My GOD that’s depressing.

It’s become painfully apparent that modern interface design is no longer RIM’s forte. Their OS has become DOWNRIGHT STAGNANT from an appearance standpoint, and the usability is going along with it. Their attempts at software have fallen pitifully short as well, like their recent attempt at a twitter app (in beta, but still) which was mocked across the web. Even worse, alleged screen shots of their next gen OS have emerged, and let me tell you, a 3rd grader could have come up with a better design

You want to change course fast? Get out of the interface business. Start by acquiring Ubertwitter and other 3rd party companies for app development. Then for the OS, go hire The Astonishing Tribe and pay them whatever they want. (TAT designed the Android interface, and are well known in the design world for coming up with insane yet practical concepts)

Finally, take a page out of MS and Apple, and stop releasing so many damn phones.

So that’s my resume

I’m fully aware that you’re not going to make everyone happy all the time. Some phenomenally talented people design these devices and have probably forgotten more than I’ll ever know. That said, there’s some serious breakdown in either the decision making or feedback process these days. I’ll also sprinkle in some willful ignorance of tech history. If product X is missing a feature, and product Y wants to topple X, then it better include the feature that X lacks. It’s common sense.

If your people don’t want to do the scouting report on the competition, I’ll be happy to, for a nominal fee =)

Call me, we’ll do beer.

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