Google vs. Apple – This is going to be epic

<Michael Buffer>

Ladies and gentleman, tonight we have a bout of epic proportions. From the Blue corner, weighing in at $179 Billion and hailing from Cupertino California, the undisputed King of Sexy Hardware, the Lord of all things shiny, the Bane of Microsoft………aaaappplllle!!!!!!!

In the red corner, weighing in at $170 Billion, from Mountain View California, the Champion of Information, the company that knows more about YOU than YOU…………gooooglllllee!

LET’S GET ERRRRRREADY TO RUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
</Michael Buffer>

Simpler Times

The year was 2007, a young Shia LaBeouf was battling enormous intergalactic robots on the screen, Rihanna’s “Umbrella” rang from the rooftops, a watered down webpage called a blog was taking the internet by storm, and the cellphone geeks were clicking away on their hot new Blackberry Curve 8300’s. It was in those halcyon days that the mobile world would forever change, and the seeds of a rivalry would take root.

On June 29th, 2007, the iPhone was released to the public. The impact it had in both the technology sector and the public consciousness could only be described as transformative. Apple wasn’t the only one that would ultimately benefit from this new piece of hardware. Software companies and application developers worldwide immediately scrambled for their piece of the action. At the front of the scrum was Google, with their powerful web presence ready to share a special connection with Apple. The relationship was in many ways symbiotic. Google’s apps made the iPhone better, and the iPhone made Google’s apps better. The companies also worked closely on a lot of development issues. YouTube (owned by Google) even re-encoded ALL their videos into a more friendly H.264 format since the phone didn’t support Flash. They were so tightly knit in those times that Eric Schmidt, Google’s CEO, sat on Apple’s Board of Directors!

Google has to go off and do it’s thing

Google’s spirit of dabbling in every technology under the sun, however, would soon set the two titans on a path towards confrontation.

After becoming a force in not only the internet realm, but the mobile application world, Google naturally had an epiphany. Hey, let’s build an entire freaking mobile operating system!. It just seems to be their modus operandi, tinkering away in an attempt to build a better mousetrap. It’s like they can’t even help themselves. (An OS would also provide new and exciting vectors for advertising, their bread and butter).

The idea was to create an “open source” operating system that could run on a variety of hardware types. Manufacturers (Samsung, Motorola, and HTC, et al) were essentially free to modify the source code until the cows came home. The best part? Google would license it for FREE. Android was born.

In an attempt to keep things kosher with Apple, Google supposedly showed them a prototype cellphone. Upon seeing it, Apple requested two things. (Both due to, or at least under the guise of, patent related concerns)

The first was that multitouch gestures must be left off the device. Now unless you’re an octogenarian from the Icelandic fishing village of Akureyri, you’ll probably know that multitouch is simply the ability to register two or more touch inputs simultaneously. The gestures made possible by mulitouch however, such as “pinch to zoom” also happened to be one of the BIG selling points of the iPhone user interface. Google probably did a cost-benefit analysis and concluded that riding the iPhone’s coattails outweighed some interface eye candy on their phone, so they omitted the feature. Apple was also threatening some companies with litigation and Google probably wanted to wait and see how that would play out.

The second request was that a 3.5 mm headphone jack (the size used on almost every audio device on the planet) NOT be used. Apple claimed a patent on a 3.5 mm jack that had controls in the headphone cable as a means of controlling the media of the device. Instead of simply taking the controls off the headphone cable, Google (or HTC the manufacturer) went with an irritating proprietary USB type of connection. The result was you couldn’t even plug your existing headphones into the damn thing. Moronic to say the least.

On Oct 22nd, 2008, the first Android phone, the G1 Dream, was released. I bet you’ll be blown away to hear the two biggest criticisms were the lack of multitouch and a standard sized headphone jack!

A shot across the bow

While the G1 was humming along to strong sales and decent praise, trouble started brewing when some conflicts of interest began to emerge. In July 2009, Google introduced a friend location service called Latitude, which Apple promptly rejected from their app store. Was their objection due to privacy concerns or even legal considerations with Google? Not according to Apple, who responded with an excuse that was downright bizarre. They claimed that Latltude would be confused with the native Google Maps application, thus resulting in a poorer user experience. No one really bought this as “find a friend on the map” was simply an extra feature tacked on to the core app. Anyway, Google acquiesced (cost-benefit redux), and rejiggered it as a non-native app, it’s effectiveness gutted as it required a constant internet connection.

Curiously, around that time, Apple was filing a patent for a location based tracking service of their own. I’d wager they didn’t want Latitude to steal their thunder. A crippled version would give people a taste of the wonderful functionality, yet allow Apple a future “one up” when they rolled out their version.

And here we go again…

A few months later in Sept, the real fireworks began when Apple rejected another Google app. This time it was Gvoice, a free service that adds all sorts of crazy functionality to your existing phone line.

People were pissed, the FCC threatened to get involved, and Apple & AT&T pointed fingers blaming one another for the rejection. Since Gvoice is more of a threat to traditional phone companies, AT&T slamming the door shut on this one seemed entirely plausible.

Well, it turns out that it was Apple behind the smack down. This time, Apple claimed that the program was rejected on the grounds that it “duplicated the core functionality of the phone dialer”. In other words, the device was perfectly capable of making a call on its own, and we’re scared that the Gvoice version might be better. (That’s how it played out in my mind at least) Other apps, such as Skype, seemed to violate the duplicity rule as well, yet were still approved for the app store. (It should be noted that Skype is “crippled” and cannot utilize the high speed signal, but I just heard this restriction will be lifted in a few weeks.)

The battle lines are drawn

The app store tensions exposed the cracks of the relationship and showed that the companies were becoming leery of each other. Where the future once existed in merging their strengths in alliance, it was now clear that the only path forward was through encroaching their adversary’s turf.

Towards the end of the 2009, Apple looked to strike first. The iPhone was still selling like hotcakes, and the (then secret) iPad tablet was a few months away. Apple knew they’d have to claim a stake in the mobile advertising game in order to maximize the revenue potential of their devices. They focused their attention on buying AdMob, a vender well established in the mobile advertising world. I’d imagine the logic was akin to “Screw Google serving ads on our devices! Let’s buy a shop, serve up our own, and sleep on a bigger pile of money!” Right when the deal was in the final stages Google slipped in, thief in the night style, and swiped AdMob with a $750 million dollar 11th hour purchase.

While all the above fun was taking place, Google was gearing up to fetch a slice of the iTunes pie via a music service acquisition. Lala, an internet streaming company with some amazing technological promise, caught their eye. This time it was Apple who swooped in at the last second with an $85 million offer and was gone before Google knew what hit them.

Don’t feel bad for Apple, they eventually snapped up mobile advertising company Quattro Wireless for a paltry $275 million.

Time to play for keeps

Google’s next move couldn’t have made Apple very happy. Until then, Google had been pushing Android phones in the manner of “The new Samsung/Motorola/HTC (insert awesome name) featuring Android”. This time they decided to get involved in the hardware to make a true Google Phone, pushing their presence even further into the mobile arena. The result was what’s regarded as their current flagship Android phone, the Nexus One. The twist here, is that Google attempted to do something many believed Apple might eventually try. In a nutshell, 1) Make a phone that connects to ANY US provider, 2) Sell it directly from the website, and 3) Let the consumer do whatever with it. It hasn’t worked out entirely (yet?) as expected for Google, but that crazy type of thinking sure opened some eyes.

This time, it’s personal!

Things were quiet for a few weeks, but we recently got some new fodder. This time it was some great insight into Apple’s evolving attitude towards Google. Summary: Apparently it’s just short of searing hatred.

Check out these grenades that were tossed in Google’s direction….

“We did not enter the search business, Jobs said. They entered the phone business. Make no mistake they want to kill the iPhone. We won’t let them, he says.”

Jobs then allegedly turned to ”Don’t be evil” – Google’s unofficial motto calling it “bullshit”

Source.

These comments (true or not) took the tech blogs by storm the next day. The absence of “taken out of context, completely fabricated, we share a vision, etc, etc” talk from Apple’s camp didn’t help quell things either.

Several days later after Job’s alleged comments, Google turned up the volume with a pretty massive “screw you”. They unleashed an update to their Nexus One phone, enabling full multitouch gestures. Whatever gentleman’s agreement or patent infringement concern they previously held was just drop-kicked out the window. They then articulated the “S” and “Y” by releasing an updated Gvoice app, making a brilliant end run around Apple’s approval process. Utilizing the improved capabilities of next gen HTML5, they built a web version that’s for all intents and purposes IDENTICAL to the functionality of the rejected native app. Awesome stuff.

Two different ways to successfully skin a cat

The operating philosophies of the two companies couldn’t be more different. Apple takes the “measure twice, cut once” approach to design. The iPhone, now in it’s 3rd (and soon to be 4th) generation has changed very little from its original incarnation. There have obviously been software tweaks, but we know Apple had the master roadmap plotted out way before the first device was sold. Apple’s latest gadget, the iPad, was supposedly in the making for over a decade. Steve Jobs, unhappy with results during development, allegedly sent engineers back to the drawing board TWICE! Ten years later, with a snap of his fingers, it’ll be making its retail debut in about 7 weeks.

Google prefers to “throw things at the wall and see what sticks”. Luckily for them, the immense intellectual and financial resources at their disposal allow them to do this quite effectively. How many times have you heard about a new Google app that does X, or does Y, or does Z? If you’re listening, it’ll be practically every week. Google Mail, Maps, Earth, Docs, Reader, Goggles, Skymaps, Listen, Feedburner, Wave, Picasa, Navigation, the list goes on and on. I couldn’t imagine their thinking to be anything other than “Some things hit and others miss, but hey, at least we got the idea out of our head.” *shrug*

It’s going to be very interesting to see how these two methods clash, that’s for sure.

So what’s the point of all this?

I suppose I could have put this closer to the top, but I have a cousin that’s an ophthalmologist, and his business has been kinda slow. The point is that this impending battle is going to result in a truckload of win for the consumer. Already as a result, Android users have multitouch, iPhone users have Gvoice, Apple has taken heat and made steps to open up the App store, and Google has realized it can’t be all things to all companies. The battle currently rages in the phone arena, but it’ll likely continue into the tablet world. The iPad is now a reality, and a Google equivalent has been rumored on the horizon.

The gloves are off, and now with civility and compromise out of the picture, we have a fun ride ahead. I’m going to sit back and relish the action as these two behemoths clobber each other into a pulp. After all, the hearts and wallets of the consumer hang in the balance.

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Now this is how you advertise

While you have Luke Wilson blathering away in those irritating commercials, Verizon is doing it the right way. Watch and learn AT&T! (My only pet peeve is using “better” to rhyme with itself)

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A solution without a problem?

As a few of you may have heard, Apple finally dropped their decade in the making tablet on the world. After speculation reached a fevered pitch, the iPad has now finally emerged! Behold!

An underpowered laptop or an iPod touch that’s too big for your pocket? You decide!

Look, we all expected something in the form of an iPod Touch, but we also expected that Apple would expect us to expect that, so they’d throw us a few curveballs. I rode F5 for the entire presentation from start to end, and any possibility for a surprise has now come and gone. I’d say the biggest surprise is that I’m completely underwhelmed with this product. I’m sure more details will emerge, but in the meantime, I’ll go ahead and start compiling my fail list.

  1. No multitasking? ARE YOU INSANE!
  2. The giant inch or so bezel around the screen drives me nuts for some reason
  3. No mention of adobe flash support (really banking on HTML5 are we?)
  4. It uses AT&T’s 3G network, which is the last one that needs the extra data traffic
  5. The name “iPad” is simply awful
  6. There’s no camera? Why would you omit that? (Answer: Planned obsolescence, i.e. it’ll be a new feature on the iPad Electric Boogaloo)
  7. No GPS. Mind boggling
  8. No removable SD card

I’ll add or remove items as details allow.

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AT&T, give it up already

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, (or your TV is on the fritz) you’re painfully aware that AT&T and Verizon have been engaged in a nasty public spat over their 3G (third generation high speed) networks. It all began when Big Red started running a series of “There’s a map for that” commercials. Verizon boasted that their 3G network was larger, and could offer service in places AT&T couldn’t. Big Blue of course took umbrage and responded with their own series of ads. Of course if their commercials had made a modicum of sense, I wouldn’t be typing this. The situation continued with a lawsuit (filed by AT&T), a supposed resolution, and then renewed fighting via the airwaves that continues to this day

Fun fact: In their lawsuit, AT&T claimed that their coverage map was being “misinterpreted”. What’s funny is that Verizon used the map FROM AT&T’S WEBSITE!

While all of AT&T’s ad spots have been irritating, the one linked below is just outright annoying. It’s been playing over and over and OVER, and I fear that one more view may push me past the edge.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT LUKE? THIS RESPONSE IN NO WAY REFUTES VERIZON’S CLAIM, AT ALL, WHATSOEVER.

In formal debate this is called a “Red Herring”, a logical fallacy in which an irrelevant topic is presented in order to divert attention from the original issue. In everyday life, this is called stupid marketing. Now I know this is advertising and not philosophy, but the rules can’t be THAT different. The commercial makes me scream at the TV “OH COME ON NOW” before tossing my arms up in the air, and storming off to find solace (via a cold beer) in the fridge. If your selling points infuriate me, you’re probably not going to get my business.

I also don’t want to hear any “but you’re talking about it, so you’re ironically promoting that which you despise” stuff. While it’s true that I could be exposing this commercial to someone who hasn’t seen it before, the fact is this website gets 4 views on a good week. If AT&T moves a billion phones next quarter, I certainly didn’t have anything to do with it.

Anyway, you probably need to get your laundry or walk the dog in a few minutes, so here are the talking points from the ad

1) Talk on the phone while surfing on the web

Verizon (and Sprint) use CDMA technology, and due to the way it’s designed, voice and data don’t work simultaneously. That means if you’re on a phone call, you can’t surf the internet or send an email. Let me repeat that. If you’re gabbing away to your friend, you can’t pull the phone away from your head mid conversation and start jamming out an email.

For some reason, AT&T really believes this is a major deficiency on Verizon’s part and has been slamming this point home. This is one such ad about it. Here’s a zany idea, the next time you’re a mobile shout out on Cash Cab, simply ask one of the 30 people standing around you to google it. You’ll then get all the glory without doing any of the work, which is always the preferred way to go.

2) “Most popular” smartphones

This is one of those stupid “he’s one the best guys in the league” comments. This qualified statement conveys no information, and is a claim so vague, any company could make it.

Here’s my source

The Blackberry Curve (#1 selling smartphone in 2009) is available on AT&T, Verizon, Sprint, and T-mob. The BB Pearl (#3) is also available on all four US networks. Furthermore, there are many other top selling phones NOT available on AT&T such as the BB Storm (#6), G1 (#7), and the Palm Pre (#8). Other popular phones unranked due to them dropping later in the year, the Blackberry Tour, Moto Droid, and MyTouch 3G, are also not available on AT&T.

And yes I haven’t forgotten that AT&T (at the moment) has the iPhone exclusively. This fact doesn’t take away from the ability for any other network to claim they too have the “most popular smartphones’.

3) Fastest 3G Network

What annoys me the most is that this little gem, just sort of tacked on, is ACTUALLY TRUE.

Gizmodo’s 12 city speed “megatest”.

Now I know there are a few AT&T commercials that mention this, but why don’t they RELENTLESSLY TOUT this point? Make an ENTIRE ad campaign around it. Seriously. People don’t want to hear “the fastest” or see some text on the screen. Create a bunch of commercials with some real world context.

Trying to download an article before the train goes underground

Emailing a large PDF to the boss to beat a deadline

Making a split second decision to take the next exit, and waiting for the damn GPS to fetch the directions.

To me, “we’re the fastest” is a wonderful counterpoint to “we’re the biggest”. Hell, it could even be this tech generation’s “tastes great, less filling”.

What would I do differently?

First, I’d probably avoid the subject all together. If AT&T had let this pissing contest go, Verizon would likely be on to the next ad campaign by now. However, If the point MUST be addressed, address the point!

The wrong way

Verizon: Our 3G network is bigger than AT&T’s
At&t: Verizon has been talking a lot about having greater 3G coverage. We have some popular phones (that are available on every other provider), therefore their argument “starts to fall apart”.

WTF?

The right way way

Verizon: Our 3G network is bigger than AT&T’s
AT&T: Verizon’s map appears to cover more area, thus reaching more people, but this simply isn’t true. AT&T has focused it’s efforts on rolling out a FASTER 3G network with the goal of denser coverage . At the end of the day, our high speed network reaches just as many people as Verizon’s.

Or some shit like that. The point is either ignore Verizon’s claims, or address them directly.

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Google Nexus “One” is the most appropriate name I’ve ever heard

Rumors have been flying fast and furious the past month about a true “google Phone” emerging.  What distinguishes this device from the existing crop of Android devices? It will be the first phone sold directly to the public by google sans a wireless provider. (This isn’t entirely true, but more on that in a moment)

The fantasy

We first got whispers in the technosphere of a new Android handset that was making some waves inside of google. After the usual month of excruciating blurrycam spy shots and blog conjecture, some very impressive details came to light.

    The gist of the specs we actually care about

  1. Thinner than the iPhone
  2. Qualcomm 1Ghz Snapdragon processor
  3. 3.7 WVGA AMOLED screen
  4. 5 Mgpx cam with flash and mechanical autofocus
  5. First device with Android OS 2.1
  6. Full specs are now available here


Further speculation hinted that google would bypass the traditional “sell an expensive phone for cheap and make it up in the contract” approach that’s employed with practically every other phone. Sounds good to me.

Well we now know the truth, and a once interesting concept has come crashing down.  I now feel confident I have all the details I need to write this venture off with a shrug and a “meh”.

The reality

The Nexus One will be available in two ways.

You can buy the phone……

1) ….directly from Google without a cellphone contract (unsubsidized) for $530
2) ….through T-Mobile with a 2 year service commitment to them for $180

To me, both ways end up occupying the extremes of the spectrum of failure.

Let’s start with buying the phone directly from Google.

The whole idea (and it’s a great one in theory) is this. How about we sell a phone, independent of a wireless network, and unbound by the accompanying draconian contracts?  This type of crazy thinking could really turn the industry on its ear.  Imagine if I could saunter into an Apple store, buy an iPhone, and then call up wireless provider X and activate it?  Later on, if I decide to switch providers, I can bring the phone along with me to a new wireless company. I’d say that’s a pretty awesome party trick.  The device and the network are seemingly as independent as ever.

Try and guess where I’m going to run with this ball.
(Hint: If I was google, It would involve doing a 180 and sprinting right back to my end zone)

The Nexus One is an extraordinarily advanced device, except for one minor niggling detail. The 3G cell radios in the handset only utilize AWS (Advanced Wireless Spectrum) frequencies! Since there’s only one US carrier that uses those frequencies, T-Mobile, it looks like we have a problem.  (I’m not sure what companies, if any, use AWS in Europe, so I’ll let my fictitious twin “Le Techrantaire” worry about that) ((Come to think of it, El Techrantador has a better ring to it))

Sprint and Verizon use CDMA transmission technology, so no luck there. Your fancy new Nexus One will have all the connectivity of a flower vase on those two networks. So it’s up to the GSM (Global System for Mobile communications) boys, AT&T and T-Mobile. Technically the N1 WILL connect to AT&T (via GPRS and EDGE), but since Big Blue doesn’t use AWS 3G (i.e. high speed data) frequencies, there’s really no point in trying. It’s like having a Ferrari with an electronic speed governor set at 30 mph. We now know where the “One” in the name comes from, the ability to reach its full potential on a single network!  Were the google engineers too busy playing ping-pong in their hip offices to reach out to AT&T? Seriously, you couldn’t cram in a few extra frequencies on the handset radio? With the extra frequencies the consumer HAS CHOICE, which I assumed was the PURPOSE of this undertaking.

Blackberry has it’s line of “World Phones” featuring radios that can connect to CDMA AND GSM networks, so don’t give me any “not technically feasible” excuses.

Trying…..to……comprehend….but……am…..unable……..

Alright then, let’s get it from T-Mobile

There’s really not much to say here, so I’ll let an ordered list take over….

    Some things I don’t like

  1. The early termination fee for the first 120 days is a wallet busting $350
  2. There is a single plan available, $79 (+ tax) a month unlimited data & text, but only 500 talk minutes
  3. Don’t like the plan? Tough, it’s the only one in town
  4. If you have an existing plan (cheaper or more minutes, etc), you HAVE to switch to the above plan to get the N1 (or go buy it unsubsidized for $530 + Tax)

So basically it’s like buying any other phone on T-Mobile, except the ETF is double, and the calling plan options are NON EXISTENT. Sounds like a hell of a deal, where do I sign up?

One last thing
Oh the best part, you can get a TWO LINE ENGRAVING on the back.  LOOKOUT, THE PLAYING FIELD HAS BEEN CHANGED FOREVER!  If you peruse through the Terms of Service you’ll notice that once engraved, it CAN’T be returned.

So a timeless classic like……

Congrats on graduating hun!
Love Mom & Dad

……is going to cost you several hundred bucks.

I’d offer a Caveat emptor to the parents doing rushed, last minute holiday shopping, but I have no doubt they’ll carefully read through the 20 page TOS and uncover this gem in no time flat.

Preliminary Conclusions

The only justification I can come up with for the N1’s existence is that it’s a trial balloon by google to establish sales channels and corporate relationships, or it’s an elaborate proof of concept to help get the unconvinced on board.  Of course what do I know, these guys are flying around in Gulfstream XXXV jets, and I’m still eating Chef Boyardee out of the can.

I’ll keep you apprised of the insanity as it unfolds….

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Earnest advice to a billion dollar corporation from a three hit a week blog

I’ve gone Android, I love it, and I’m probably not coming back.

For years I was a blackberry evangelist.  I’d attempt to turn anyone within earshot on to the blackberry, espousing its benefits while meticulously addressing the shortcomings of the competition.  The iPhone?  “Sure, it’s a great phone, but it lacks multitasking, a video camera (at the time), a flash, push notifications, etc.”

Well, the times have changed….

RIM, you’re now in a three-way dogfight, and let me tell you, the iPhone Android 1-2 punch is going to KO you unless you listen very carefully.  (Yeah yeah, I don’t care about your record 3Q09 earnings or 10 million devices sold in the quarter)  Forget playing catch up, you have a two year window to drop a killer device before you’re relegated to “your father’s phone” status and join Palm in a long slow decline towards the technological dustbin of history.

So here’s my unsolicited advice.  Heed it RIM, lest you’ll jump the technoshark!

Hardware……

1) An Arm A8 Cortex while nice, is still playing catch up.  The 3Gs, Pre, and Droid are all sporting that processor TODAY. So obviously getting ahead involves not doing what your competition is doing NOW, but doing NOW what they’re going to do in the future. That’s right, it’s time to unleash a 1ghz snapdragon powered ‘Berry on the masses.  Think about how nice that will look in print.  “The Storm 3 featuring a lightening fast 1ghz cpu!”.  Now sure, we know that raw cpu clock cycles are just a factor along with OS optimization, what/how many apps are running, etc, but it’s a hell of a selling point.

2) There have been a few rumors that you’ve been messing around with “liquid lens” camera technology.  Make this happen. Things like this put you on another level from your competition.

RIM Field Rep:“Sure, we’ve got wi-fi, bluetooth 2.1, GPS, all that good stuff, but does the Google phone or iPhone have an insane camera….like this?”

*CLICK*

(The room fills with hushed whispers and erupts into a polite golf clap)

RIM Field Rep: “Yeah, I didn’t think so!”

3) Wi-fi and a camera flash should be on every device here on out.  No excuses.  Old Curve had a flash, new Curve does not = negative progress = RIM are morons. I mean seriously, what was the thought process behind this move? A bunch of engineers are sitting around the table, and one suggests “since the handset marketplace is becoming increasingly competitive, I humbly suggest we REMOVE a feature standard on most phones made in the past 5 years”. They all agreed and then most likely took Phil (or that damn Steve) out for drinks in celebration of his genius idea.

4) Location awareness is the new hotness, so hint hint add a digital compass.  (3Gs and Droid both have one)  The “oohs” and “aahs” generated when I load up Streetview or Google Sky have already sold a few of my friends on an Android device. They once wanted a Blackberry, but now they want to “do all that cool shit your Google phone does”. Their words, not mine.

Now with that out of the way, here are some further suggestions…

a) Add a Pico Projector. Yes I’m serious. Take a page out of LG’s book and start development as an add on accessory. Think of all the uses for it if done correctly. Office road warriors could show powerpoint presentations on the wall at McDonalds. Williamsburg and SF hipsters could project trippy visuals on the celing to accompany their riveting Tupac/Frank Sinatra mashup DJ sets. I’m totally convinced that the Pico Projector will be as ubiquitous as the cell phone camera within 5 years. Work the kinks out of the system before HTC does. Then, after you further miniaturize the tech, slap that chip on the mainboard and call it a day.

b) I recently read that Texas Instruments or maybe Samsung (I’ll see if I can find a link later, which realistically means I’ll google it for five minutes and give up) has an HDTV antenna chip that can fit in a cellphone. That’s right folks, the capability to watch “Wheel of Fortune” in all its high def glory while riding the bus exists! C’mon RIM, be the first to deliver us to this utopia.

c) People seem to care (I’m not one of them) about an FM tuner.  Add one. I have a feeling that Apple may do this with their 4th gen iPhone, so beat them to the punch.

Look, the goal with your hardware should be to maintain parity with the competition, and then have one or two unique (or rare) features that set your devices apart. You have this with the “World Phone” party trick, which I’ll admit is pretty handy. Now it’s time to find an impressive feature for the majority of us that never travel outside the country.

Software

1) Most people don’t sit around on Crackberry.com and Howardforums.com all day hitting the refresh button.  New Facebook upgrade? New BB messenger bug fix?  New App Store version? I’ll never know unless I religiously surf tech sites, or my Blackberry geek friend tells me!

One of the best Android features is the instant update notification.  Now this is complicated, so bear with me here. Whenever an update is available for an app, I get an instant notification. Not only that, but it’s one click to install. Furthermore, after the install, there’s no reboot. Let’s let our good friend, the ordered list, explain….

    The Android approach

  1. On screen, “update available for Twitter app” appears out of nowhere
  2. Click a single button to install
  3. Install complete, launch Twitter app while humming Queen’s “We are the Champions”
    The Blackberry approach

  1. Read on Crackberry, Boygenius, Engadget, etc that Ubertwitter has been updated
  2. Open Blackberry browser and type in “www.ubertwitter.com/upgrade_me_now” or whatever
  3. Install done, now reboot device to complete
  4. Go solve world peace in the time it takes the handset to boot back up

I’m amazed at the update frequency of all the apps on my Droid. It seems that I’m getting an update or two for something all the time. I LIKE THIS.

2) You MUST do something about the look and feel of your OS.
If you want to stay relevant, you are going to HAVE to find a way to bring the user experience up to par with the iPhone and Android.  That means kinetic scrolling, a Webkit browser, and multitouch, all in a snappy, slick interface.  I don’t care if you use Java for security or whatever purposes, I’m just telling you what’s broken, not how to fix it.  (That’s your problem)

You want to take it to the next level and thrash the iPhone?  Be one of the first to get Silverlight and full blown Flash on the phone. (I’d recommend acquiring Skyfire, as they’ve pretty much got this worked out already).

Note: I’m fully aware that RIM has acquired Torch Mobile and has Promised flash in 2010. For their sake, I hope they deliver.

General business practices

1) STOP doing dumb things like these micro incremental upgrades.  The Tour2, really?  You add wifi and a trackpad and call it a day?  Sure, there’s a rumored processor upgrade, but I’m a hardcore tech junkie, and I can’t even confirm this.  Regardless, the PERCEPTION is that it’s a Wi-Fi inclusion and a new trackpad. Same as the Storm 2 except swap the trackpad for a clickscreen tweak. This tired piecemeal approach is going to get you nowhere fast.

2) STOP diluting your product line!  There’s virtually no difference between the Tour and the Bold. Hang on, let’s step back….. Here’s a synopsis of your Current product line.

    RIM’s plan to take over the world

  1. Bold – For business power users
  2. Tour – For consumer power users
  3. Pearl – For women
  4. Pearl Flip – For women
  5. Curve – For high school students
  6. Storm 2 – For gadgethead power users

I think you’re spreading yourself too thin here. Merge the Bold and Tour lines (or actually just discontinue the Tour altogether), and get rid of the the Pearl Flip. Then, build a new OS from the ground up for the Storm and use it as a guinea pig for the tech (digital compass, pico projector, HDTV antenna, unicorns) to trickle down into the rest of the handset line.

    Techranter’s generous plan to help RIM take over the world

  1. Bold – For fancy folk
  2. Pearl – For girls
  3. Curve – For broke people
  4. Storm 2 – For people that really want an iphone

See? that’s a little more palatable! It’s all about simplification.

Conclusion – You’re probably screwed in the long run

RIM, your two major problems can be surmised with “your shit is old, and you’re taking too long to make your shit not old”. Neither the iPhone OS or Android are shackled within the constraints of legacy software. These are new modern operating systems, and they seem to have a scalability that your OS lacks. I know you have a lot of infrastructure to contend with, but you need to start thinking next generation NOW.

Apple chooses to stick on a single device, making their path to perfection straight forward. All their handset resources can be focused on making ONE piece of tech better. Android, with the might of Google behind it, has some seriously powerful resources. The platform is innovating at such a rapid pace, it sometimes gives me a headache. (Sky maps, Goggles, Listen, Places, the list goes on and on). They’ve tapped into the ADD of the modern gadgethead, offering us a steady stream of enhanced functionality that sates our wanderlust.

I want RIM to continue to innovate and succeed, if only because it will foster better competition. I also still have a soft spot in my heart because it was an 8700 that carried me over the smartphone threshold. The time has come however, for those up in Waterloo to make some cultural and technological changes. If all goes well, this won’t be goodbye, it’ll merely be see you later.

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You’re dumb if you don’t use a smartphone

Let the battle begin!

Let the battle begin!

I still come across people every once in awhile that are rocking some old Methuselah style Nokia. I immediately expound (admonish them?) on the virtues of modern day technology. “What type of nut still has a phone with a monochromatic LCD screen?” I tactfully ask them.

“I don’t need this, I don’t need that”, blah blah blah. “It just works” is always the response.

Yeah, how’s walking around in the technological darkness, unaware of anything you can’t observe with your own eyes and a Mary Tyler Moore-esque 360 twirl?  How’s that working out for you?  It’s called “Situational Awareness”, and you, my Nokia 6150 toting friend, have none.

In this day and age, information rules over all. Knowing the right thing at the right time is more critical than ever.

Looking for a job?  Save your Craiglist search as an RSS feed. If you don’t answer that posting in 10 minutes, don’t waste your time.  50 people beat you to the punch.

Trying to work the Market?  You better have those Etrade, Bloomberg, etc alerts coming in.  In the financial world, news from 30 minutes ago = news from last month.  I hear Crocs are the hot new shoe!

Waiting to hear back about an apartment?  You can either stay at home riding F5 on your email, or you could be enjoying a frosty one with some friends at a moderately priced establishment.  As soon as that submarine ping goes off, you can toast to your new apt.

Craving some Applebees?  Fire up the GPS or ask the local hobo, your choice.
Do I really need to go on?  Take your Luddite ass down to a store and upgrade to something from this decade!

p.s. I’d prefer if you bought a Blackberry as I own more RIMM than AAPL

Kthxbye!

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Cant update!

I’d love to update my laggy Storm (on .148) to .151 but that’s not going to happen anytime soon.

My bootcamp install is wacking out so no DM install. Sure I could try and fix it, but i’d rather erase the damn partition into oblivion! Luckily Rim just announced a Mac DM in the future. At the speed they work, it’ll be available in about 43 years.

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Bravo’s voiceovers drive me insane!

Do you really need to alternate between booming echo and mono radio voice?

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Forget Twitterberry

I hung in there with you guys, but it’s time to say goodbye!

New hotness Ubertwitter is now the reigning champ. My biggest gripe with TB was not being Storm compatible. Typing in portrait with that tiny qwerty keyboard was enough to make me stabby. I was a real hit with updates like, “I’m rt teh syore buyinh a jaar f pickles”. I won’t even get into the limited feature set, because, who cares about old stuff?

Ubertwitter can do all the picture, video, and location based party tricks that a person on the go requires. More importantly, it features some hot hot hot accelerometer screen flipping action, allowing me to use the big boy keys in landscape. Now my tweets come through with clarity!

“I’m at the store wearing my monocle and top hat, buying a jar of the finest quality pickles!”

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